How to Be a Powered-up Dad 6/20/99

Ephesians 6:1-3

JESUS CHRIST had an earthly dad who obviously impacted his life constructively. Joseph is an unsung hero in the family of Jesus and His brothers and sisters.

Two stories regarding Joseph let us see two sides of fatherhood.

It was the day of the final rehearsal for the Christmas pageant when a mother called the teacher to report her child who was to play the role of Joseph was sick and would not be able to be in the play. The teacher knowing it was too late to get a replacement said, “That’s OK we’ll just write Joseph out of the script.” They did and no one noticed.

There are some dads who feel they won’t be missed if they don’t function, but they are.

A major problem in America today isn’t there are too many dad’s with children, but that there are too many children without dads.

A second story regarding Joseph comes from a plantation home near Thomaston in South Georgia. Tours of the home are accompanied by hosts or hostesses. Occasionally the number of tourists requires more than are available. There is an old butler in the home that fills in and perhaps does the best job of all. He always stops before a large painting of the Nativity. Diligently he identifies and explains the role of every figure. There is the unbiblical donkey everyone assumes brought Mary to Bethlehem, the shepherds, and the wise men are even included. He talks about Mary and the infant Jesus and explains their roles. Then he points out Joseph and says, “There is ole Joe, he’s just there.”

In doing so he identifies for us one of the most strategic roles of a dad. He’s just there. Being there is critically important to the role of dad. The absentee father is one of the most detrimental things in American life.

It is a matter of poor spelling. Love as spelled by children is T-I-M-E.

Dads often spell it M-O-N-E-Y!

I saw this misspelling dramatized in a family. The child had been stealing money from his dad. He would get it out of his wallet during the night. If any was left on a dresser he would pick it up. The professional counselor explained it. The dad spent all of his time making money. To the child time equaled money. The parent wasn’t giving the time so the child took the symbol of time, the money.

The saying “time is money” has never been more true. Many people are living a life of time- depravity. Many time-challenged Americans are evidencing a willingness to cut corners to scale down their lives.

Nearly 1/3 of all Americans get by on less than 6 hours of sleep.

An estimated 81% of employed Americans feel the need to simplify their lives and create more time for home and family.

Managing your time is managing your life. Managing your calendar is managing your life.

Keeping up with your child is more important than keeping up with the Joneses. Work for too many dads is their priority, not the family. Our government boasts of creating thousands of new jobs. One dad said, “Yeah, I know they have because I have four of them.”

Consider this: “What does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his own child?”

We must learn to balance the material wonders of technology with the spiritual demands of our human nature. (John Naisbitt)

Developing into a dad is a delightful challenge. It is delightful but it is challenging in light of where we come from. Differences in males and females is observable at young ages. Watch little girls at play they are talking and sharing. Their sounds are for communicating.

Observe and listen to little boys at play. Their sounds are not for communication. They are simply sounds: crash, boom, smack, yow, ugh. Moving from that level of communication to learning to be expressive to a wife and children is a task.

Failing to do it leads to failure.

For the longest time the children in the family had pleaded for a hamster. They made all the promises regarding care and feeding. Finally, the parents weakened and bought one. With excitement the children named it Danny. Soon the care of Danny became the sole responsibility of mom. Creative mom soon found a new home for Danny and told the children Danny was on the way out. They took it well but one child exclaimed, “He’s been around here a long time and we are going to miss him.”

“Yes,” said mom, “but he is too much work for one person, and since I am that one person, I say Danny goes.”

Another more compassionate child pleaded, “Well, maybe if he wouldn’t eat so much and wouldn’t be so messy, we could keep him.”

Mom was firm. “It’s time to take Danny to his new home,” she insisted. “Go get his cage.”

In one voice and in tears the children exclaimed, “Danny? Oh, no! We thought you said daddy!”

Dad are you so endeared to the family that your departure would be met with more resistance than that of a hamster?

The Bible gives insight into how to function as a dad in a constructive way that is sure to be endearing.

It begins with your love for your wife. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church…” Put her interest first.

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and noticed women customarily walked about ten feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait after the war and noticed the men now walking several yards behind their wives.

Perceiving this to be progress she exclaimed to a wife, “This is marvelous. What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”

The Kuwaiti woman replied, “Land mines.”

Husbands don’t wait for some upheaval to cause you to consider the welfare of your wife. Above all remember she is still an admirable bit like she was as a little girl. She still wants to use words to communicate.

The Bible identifies three things a dad should do in Ephesians 6:1-3.

I. FIRST, NEGATIVELY [DON’T ROUSE THEM TO IRRITATION]

“Do not provoke your children to wrath…”

How is this done?
1. Saying one thing and doing another.
2. Showing favoritism.
3. Making promises and not keeping them
4. Constantly finding fault.
5. Dishing out harsh criticism.

Let’s turn this negative, “don’t provoke your children to wrath,” into a positive as expressed in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Encourage them.

Standing by the pool suddenly a cousin screamed, “Where is Jamie?” Jamie’s dad looked around in horror and there in the bottom of the deep water of the pool on the bottom was Jamie. He rushed to pull the little fellow out screaming and spewing water, crying, “I wanna go home.”

Instinctively the dad held Jamie close as he walked in the pool with himself shaking more than the child. He walked and talked reassuringly until finally, both were more calm. Soon little Jamie, reassured, began to splash around and play in the shallow water.

Jamie’s dad finally settled down but was about to drown in self-pity thinking no good dad lets his child nearly drown. Cousin Lee Ann walked by and said, “You are a terrific dad and I really admire the way you handled that. He will never be afraid of water again.”

Is your child drowning in a different kind of pool? Do you need to encourage your child?

II. NURTURE THEM [GIVE MENTAL AND MORAL TRAINING TO MATURE THEM]

To insure you know what you intend to do to achieve this write yourself a “Mission Statement.” What is your mission? Not having one would be like a CEO without a strategic plan. It will help set priorities and direct decisions.

GET INVOLVED. A statement isn’t enough. There must be a plan of action. If you make your family a priority you will make time for the family. Be attentive to their needs and observant of their emotions. Tune in.

EXPRESS AFFECTION. Released love registers on a child’s emotions. One young adult said, “As a child whenever I said, ‘I love you dad,’ he would always reply, ‘I love you ALL.’” I wanted him to say, “I love you,” and make it personal.

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Pay attention to what is meant by what is said. If a child knows he or she is understood the conversation will continue. If not there is no need to talk.

One little child crawled up in his glassy eyed dad’s lap and said, “Dad, listen to me! You’re not inside your eyes.”

BE A ROLE MODEL. Father power is much more impressive if we change ourselves before we try to change our children.

I am going to make a harsh statement that will apply to some dads. I don’t know to which ones it applies but I know it applies to some. Dads, some of you are hard to love. Do you want to change that? You can by loving on a personal level.

EQUIP YOUR CHILDREN SPIRITUALLY. Establish the discipline of regular home Bible reading and prayer, and public worship. Be prepared to integrate these into teachable moments.

Doing these things can help you become a powered-up dad.

Gayle Erwin wrote his personal testimony of his dad in the book “The Jesus Style.” He tells of his dad’s airplane accident that left him paralyzed and brain damaged. His mom had to become the bread winner and wasn’t at home. Dad was at home but not functioning. The stage was set for family failure. They did not fail. Through good and bad times, they prayed together, shared love and were faithful to God. When their dad died Gayle and his two brothers stood by the casket and publicly make this commitment:

“Our father did not leave a financial empire for us to carry on. Many things that a dad normally does with his sons, ours was unable to do. He was unable to teach us many things that a dad normally teaches. But he did leave us something he had. He left us with a love of God, a love for the Bible, a love for people, and understanding of worship and an inability to hate. We feel that he has left us only those things that last. So we stand here before you as his sons to declare publically that we will follow his God.” What a legacy!

III. ADMONISH THEM [CORRECT AND WARN THEM]

Admonish means to correct if necessary as well as to encourage if opportunity presents itself. Both are vital. To fail to do either is to fail to properly do the other.

What are the values in which you want your child to believe?

Will your children follow your God?

Job: The Calm Amid the Storm

“Laissez les bons temps rouler” is Cajun French for “Let the good times roll.” When they do, a good time is had by all. Reality is they don’t always, not for anybody, regardless of their appearance, not even for good godly people. Job was a man who “was blameless and upright, and a man who feared God and shunned evil.” (Job 1:1) Yet, he lost every possession and his health.

There is no record of him whining “Why me, God?” His three responses are worth noting and emulating in the good, and yes, bad time.

Before considering Job’s responses, observe Satan was bringing charges against him before God. As if He didn’t know “…the Lord said to Satan, ‘From where do you come?’ So Satan answered the Lord and said, ‘From going to and from on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.’” (Job 1:7) That fact disproves the misconception that Satan is in hell. He is instead commuting between earth and heaven. That is why so many productive prominent Christians fail. They have been the objects of Satan’s hatred and he designs their destruction. He isn’t in hell, but you can be assured he is hell bound.

Satan said to God, Job doesn’t love you, he just loves the things you have given him. Take them away and “he will curse you to your face.” (Job 1:11). Remember the situation. Job has become the object of Satan’s attacks under the mysterious permission of the sovereign Lord. His children are dead, his wife has deserted him, his home and his business lie in ruins, his health has collapsed; he’s left sitting in the ashes of his former life, mourning and pouring out his confusion before God as he scrapes the sores on his skin with broken potsherds. He is suffering grievously physically, financially and emotionally. How will Job respond?

First, he said, “I know my Redeemer lives….” (Job 19:25) He had confidence in the Lord and never thought He was out of control.

There is an important sidebar truth here. People sometimes ask how people were saved before Jesus’ death and resurrection. Visualize the cross as a point in time. Since then persons have been saved by looking back historically to the cross. Before the cross persons were saved by faithfully looking forward to what the cross achieved. The Book of Job is the oldest book in the Bible and Job was in faith looking forward to his Redeemer.

Second, He knows me. Job confidently said, “He knows the way I take.” (Job 23:10) Job was assured God was not unaware of his plight and loved him. God knows what is going on. He is never insensitive to us and our needs. 

Third, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” (Job 13:15) His strong resolve sustained Job and God ultimately restored him.

Imagine Satan is standing before God with an accusation and the topic of discussion is you. Satan is saying that person doesn’t love you, they just love the things you give them. Take them away and they will want to curse you and die. How would you respond?

All of us have losses, defeats, injuries and sickness. We will have others. Be sure that when you do, you have the same resolve as Job. No whining allowed. No, why me.

Job knew he might die, he actually wanted to. He had faith death was not the end. He compares life to a tree: “For there is hope for a tree if it be cut down that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease.” (Job 14:7)

A tree is cut down, but sprouts again from the root. Job is confident that if he dies he will live again with the Lord. Make sure you will also.

The God Who Is With You

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Paradigm is a beautiful word meaning an example or pattern. Our Lord has set before us an example to be used as a pattern.

If you want His peace and provisions you must guard against two “nots” noted in Isaiah 41:10. They lurk in the shadows of the pages of your calendar to rob you of the joy inherent in salvation.

God commands, “Fear not …Be not dismayed…” That is to be our pattern. God always supplies what He commands. In light of this, Augustine wrote this prayer: 

“Give what you command, and command what you will.”

God is not going to command us to do something without enabling it to be done. Keep that in mind as you consider–

“Fear not…”  This speaks of dread.

Fear is the child of doubt. Therefore, it is never a companion of faith. To have a life free of fear we must have a life in which our faith grows. It does so by trusting and obeying God. That is, acting upon His commands and promises even when the world suggests you not, or even threatens to shout you down if you do.

“Be not dismayed…”  This speaks of discouragement.

“Be not dismayed,” actually means don’t quit.

If you look back at your failures you will be tempted to quit.

If you look around at circumstances you will be inclined to quit.

If you look to Christ you will not be dismayed, you won’t quit.

In the text, for each of the two nots there is an “I am.”

“I am with you…”

He is ever present with us to fulfill all that is implied in the name Immanu-El, meaning, “God with us.”

Living, loving hands may be forced to release ours, but our Lord will perpetually be with us. A vacant chair may appear in our friendship circle, but our Lord will never leave us.

We can smile amid life’s storms if we know He is with us.

“I am your God…”

In our day there is an inordinate desire to know the future. Various self-proclaimed prophets, seers, crystal ball and card readers, and horoscopes proliferate that will allegedly tell us the future. All are of no value. 

This unreasonable desire to know the future is a symptom revealing that persons don’t know or trust the God who holds the future. This misguided drive has always been part of man’s base nature.

His power is revealed in His name: “I am your God.” The title used by Isaiah and translated “God” is “Elah” or “Eloah.”  “El” means “the strong one.” “Elah” speaks of His durability. It was also used to speak of binding oneself with an oath; it speaks of faithfulness.

Therefore, the God who has promised to be with you is the Strong Durable One who has bound Himself to you with an oath. Rejoice and relax in His grace.

Why Galilee

“Then he went down to Capernaum, a town in Galilee, and on the Sabbath began to teach the people. They were amazed at his teaching, because his message had authority.” (Luke 4:31-32)

Questions persist as to why Jesus spent most of His time in Galilee rather than Jerusalem and even Athens, or Rome.

First, He visited Jerusalem only rarely because He knew of the hostility provided Him by the establishment religious leaders. He was accepted in Galilee and His message could be more openly shared there. The fact He taught in the synagogues of Galilee, especially His home town of Nazareth, attest to the fact of His deity, for no person born out of wedlock could even go into a synagogue. However, Jesus didn’t restrict his teaching to the synagogue like other rabbis. He took his ministry to the people. 

The government of Galilee was more tolerant also. Galilee at the time of Jesus, on the west side of the lake, was under the control of the Tetrarch, Herod Antipas, the son of Herod the Great.  

The local population was more open to Him because of there being no pious religious leaders there. Religious Jews shunned Tiberias because it was built on top of a cemetery. This made it “unclean” under Jewish law.

A few miles south-east of Tiberias, toward the outlet of the Sea of Galilee are the hot springs of Hammat Tiberias that today, as in that day, are visited by persons seeking healing. The Roman Aesclepius cult members practiced soaking in hot baths and fasting in order to try to get healed. 

Two things made the Galilee Grand Central Station of the day. The springs attracted many people from distant lands.

However, there is a more meaningful reason for Galilee being the crossroads between three continents. Two major caravan routes, the Via Mara and the King’s Highway both cross there. Having traveled through deserts, the caravans came there for the fresh water from the Sea of Galilee.

Galilee was populated not only by Jews, but also Gentiles: Greeks, Romans, Arabs,  Phoenicians, and others. In that sense they were rural, yet cosmopolitan. 

Near the end of Jesus’ ministry some Greeks came there seeking Him in hopes of attracting Him to come to Athens. Doubtless members of caravans that had passed there went home to Athens and told them of Jesus. His message spread to other regions from there. Had He centered His ministry there would not have been such a diverse audience.

All of these factors made Galilee the most logical place for Jesus to minister. In your life, as in the selection of the location of Galilee for Jesus ministry, God’s wisdom was at work. Ask Him to guide you through life.

Life Beyond the Comma

Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Let’s look at that closely, “I have come that you might have life, (comma) and that you might have it more abundantly.” He wants to enable us to live beyond the “comma.” 

Some Christians tend to envy people that are living “the good life” and missing the abundant life. Some have even bought into the “prosperity gospel” without embodying abundant life. In reality the prosperity gospel and people who are living the good life have been detracted from abundant life. The truth is one can enjoy abundant life without having the good life or the fulfillment promised by the prosperity gospel. Abundant life has nothing to do with the amount of “stuff”one has. It has everything to do with a personal life with Jesus Christ and the provision of eternal life He enables.

Living beyond the comma involves:

Enjoyment, not just existence.

Beyond the comma life is vastly bigger, braver, and nobler once we become adherent followers of Christ. 

Relationship, not just reformation.

Life beyond the comma, which Christ called “abundant life,” means wrestling with powers and principalities and mastering them through the power of Jesus Christ. It isn’t a tame colorless round of trivialities.

Abundant life means to be full of moral energy that throws off temptation like a healthy body throws off disease germs. Life beyond the comma is —–

Fellowship, not just friendship.

This PLUS living is living with another. That one is Christ. 

Psychologists say human beings have three desires: the longing to be accepted, approved, and appreciated.

We are created in the image of God, that is, His likeness. This means God likes to be accepted, approved, and appreciated. Provide Him such, and He will provide you the same.

Life beyond involves devotion, not just duty.

Duty may produce diligence, but devotion produces dynamism. 

Life beyond the comma, that is, abundant life, is life beyond the cross.

A relationship with Christ is intended to produce people who are richly alive, ablaze with an inward fire which ignites real living. To live the abundant life seek first the kingdom of God, that is, it is found not in things, but obedience

The big thing about the abundant life is you gain things that eye has not seen and ear has not heard, which have not entered into the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Cor. 2:9).